I stood in front of the gates, my hand clinging onto one of the cold iron bars. Why was I suddenly nervous? I took a deep breath and tried to regain composure. It had been over 20 years since I’d walked through the school gates for what I thought would be the last time, the sudden flurry of nerves almost made me turn and flee to the quietness of the sparse room I’d booked at the only B&B in town.

I’d not really enjoyed my last few years I spent at the school. I had to concentrate on studying to get the grades for my parents’ choice of university, and as one of the few pupils aspiring to continue to higher education I was labelled a swot. Having moved away from home I’d made minimal effect and kept in touch with a couple of friends and had a vague passing knowledge of people who’d connected with me on social media. But really, no real emotional bond to the place I spent the first 18 years of my life.

When the invitation dropped though the letterbox my immediate response was not to go, why would I? I was always an outsider at school and with my career as an academic I would be more-so now.  But there was John to consider, it would be lovely to see him.

We’d been friends for a long time and he became my first boyfriend when I was 16, spending two years together he became the first of a lot of experiences for me. He was part of the ‘in crowd’, he was popular and always had a group of people hanging onto his every word. He was captain of most of the sports teams and had managed to charm many of the teachers. They were always lenient when he was late with homework or caught messing about in class. We were the topic of gossip when he first asked me out, most people including me thought it was a joke, but once we’d been together a few weeks and people realised it wasn’t that’s when the nasty rumours started. John stood up for me and dished out several black eyes to people who passed judgement on us. When I accepted a place at a university 200 miles away from home, John and I tried to stay together, but the inevitable happened. The phone calls became less and less, writing letters turned into scribbling on the back of a postcard and eventually we both moved on. I stayed in Oxford over the summers, making the city my new home never returning North.

“Pull yourself together.” I muttered to myself and slowly began to walk towards the main doors, the blast of familiar 90’s music getting louder the closer I got.

I pushed open the familiar and heavy double doors and made my way to the assembly hall, my feet retracing steps I’d taken a thousand times before in the five years I’d attended the school.

One last deep breath before I opened the doors responsible for muffling the music.

I was greeted by two red-faced middle-aged smiling women, who after not hiding the fact they didn’t have a clue who I was handed me a name badge, their eyes questioning if I had actually been in their year.

I scanned the room of people. Some had bravely ventured to the dance floor contorting their bodies in time to a Stone Roses track, some throwing arms around and clinging onto long lost friends, whilst others looked as lost and detached from all this as I felt.

After buying a drink from the make-shift bar in the corner I quickly glanced around the room looking for a familiar, or at the very least a friendly looking face I could latch onto. As I took in a sea of faces I didn’t recognise, I asked myself over and over why I’d made the rash decision to come tonight?

“Laura?” a hand tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned and came face to face with John. “I hoped it was you, I saw you arrive,” he continued and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. “So, how are you? I can’t believe it’s been twenty years.”

He hadn’t changed, other than his hair being greyer and a few lines which had gathered around his eyes. He still had beautiful twinkling brown eyes and an infectious smile. And the dimple, he still had the adorable little dimple he’d spent his teenage years hating.

I jumped realising I was staring and mute.

“John, how lovely!” I returned the kiss on the cheek, breathing in his scent. “I’m really good, how are you?”

“Good, good” he replied “I heard you’re a professor now? I always knew you’d go on and do something amazing.”

“I’m not sure applied economics is in the amazing category but I enjoy it, anyway what are you up to? Do you still live here?” I fired questions at him, not asking the one I really wanted to ask. The attraction was still there.

“Yeah I stayed.” he looked at the floor as he answered. “I have children here so I would never leave.”

“Oh, are you…”

“Married?” he interrupted “Nah, never have been.” He took an intake of breath. “I lived with their mother for 10 years, but we separated last year.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m still really good at putting my foot in it”

“Don’t be, it’s fine. We had three beautiful girls together, who I adore. Molly and I just stopped getting on. How about you?”

“Single also, I put my love life on-hold for a while whilst I concentrated on my career. I’ve become a stereo-typical cat lady I’m ashamed to say.”

We laughed and made our way over to an empty table in the corner of the hall. John placed his hand on the base on my back steering me and causing a ripple of excitement in my stomach.

Our conversation continued and neither of us spoke to anyone else in the room for the rest of the night, it didn’t feel like twenty years had passed, we soon slipped into familiarity and feeling comfortable with each other.

“We’d better go” John laughed as the lights came on flooding the room and causing us to squint. The two red faced women were hovering, looking annoyed with one deliberately jangling a set of keys.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been the last to leave a party ever.” I joked as we passed them and made our way outside.

“Can I give you a lift?” John asked as we got outside to the car park.

“I’m staying at the B&B on the high street, is that out of your way?”

“Not at all.”

I later found out he’d lied.

When John pulled up outside the B&B we started to say our goodbyes. I unfastened my seat-belt and leaned in to kiss him goodnight. We kissed quickly on the lips, John then took my face in his hands and kissed me again, I let him and the kiss increased in urgency as did our breathing until I pulled away “Come inside.” I whispered.

He kissed me again and turned off the car engine.